watch original V-Blog in Persian

August 12 marks International Youth Day and I have a great little story to inspire us. It's the story of my friend's son. My friend and her husband were called to their son's school one day. They were both a little worried and surprised. After all, their kid is the quintessence of gentle. What kind of trouble could he possibly be in? They arrived in school and the teacher began explaining what had happened in gym.

The kids were told to line up in the yard. Each was given a ball and they were then asked to run to the other side of the yard and drop their ball on the line. Ready, steady, GO! The kids began running as fast as their little feet could carry them, but this little boy was faster than the rest.

At this point in the story my friends exchanged a confused looked and wondered where the problem was? He's gifted! God bless! But the teacher continued.

Even though this little boy was faster than the rest, he would slow down, look back and deliberately delay his arrival at the line, so that he could reach it along with everyone else. He would literally sabotage his own advantage in order to make his friends not feel so bad. The teacher then took a deep breath and begged my friends to please teach their son to harness his gift and to use it to his best ability! The others were holding him back!

And now I ask you, dear readers. Which was this youth's gift? Was it his talent for running? Or did this teacher, with all his good will, miss the boy's real gift? The gift of putting others before himself?

If humanity has both the capacity for selfishness and selflessness, if we have both natures in us – which do we nurture and develop? What aspects of our character are drawn out in our current societal institutions and is it doing us any good? Is the world becoming a better place? What could it look like if we harnessed our ability to cooperate?

If Youth Day is about drawing inspiration and vision from our youth – then please, let's draw what we can from the story of this little boy (who's name will probably not remain in history) and his awesome parents, who – thank God – know to celebrate their son's gift for cooperation.

watch original V-Blog in Persian

I was at a Persian 'mehmooni' (dinner-party) the other night and one young man, who had just stepped off the boat from Iran said, "How refreshing: a dinner party with food and conversation. I'm so excited!" I asked him what he meant, as I've never known any other kind of dinner-party. He laughed and said, "honey, in Tehran, a 'mehmooni' is a crack fest – you can chose between crack, cocaine or heroine."

He described the grim underground social scene and a generation of young people paralyzed by drugs. But then I thought of my own world here in South Africa, Europe or America and I thought – things are not really that different here either. You've got a lot of people hiding from the pressures and demands of the world by getting wasted regularly on Friday nights, taking drugs or obsessing over other, insignificant things in life: You get the compulsive shoe shoppers, the fame and fashion obsessed divas, the body obsessed gym goers, the medication gobblers and all other forms of indulgence and pain avoidance. I'm no exception. My favorite form of escapism is watching the Style Channel! Finola Hughs and Neicy Nash soothe my frustrations. We do anything to forget the insurmountable challenges presented to us by an ailing world and our responsibilities vis-a-vis these challenges, as unique human beings with a unique set of talents, skills and insights.

That's why often, when I invite people to my home to discuss some of the world's challenges, I feel that many people shy away. Because they realize that life and faith are not about sitting in church on Sundays or improving your personal 'om' whenever you feel its convenient, but about seriously reconsidering your choices and doing the work required to create more understanding and love in the world. It's hard work! Much easier to sit back and get numb or focus on fun stuff. But the consequences are sooner or later to be felt. If you put your love in ephemeral things, such as recognition, success, money, 'fun' or boos, then your love will reflect those things and be ephemeral. If you put your love in eternal and truly beautiful things, it will be just that.

Here's an amazing passage you just have to read from HB Danesh's work, UNITY, the Creative Foundation of PEACE. Danesh is an MD, a psychiatrist and behaviorist whose insights are poignant and disturbingly sobering:

"Pleasure-orientation, an important characteristic of the indulgent person and society, usually develops in circumstances where material prosperity precedes emotional maturity, allowing for a lifestyle of self-centeredness and self-indulgence. Examples of this type of societal orientation are to be found in the Roman Empire before its fall and in the twentieth century Western civilization. One of the main reasons for the development of a pleasure-oriented lifestyle is the absence of a well-formulated purpose and the hedonistic approach to life, it discards its reason for being. As a result, the individuals and institutions in that society soon give up hope for growth and development. In his book, The Culture of Narcissism, Christopher Lasch describes this process:

Having no hope of improving their lives in any of the ways that matter, people have convinced themselves that what matters is psychic self-improvement: getting in touch with their feelings, eating health foods, taking lessons in ballet or belly-dancing, immersing themselves in the wisdom of the East, jogging, learning to 'relate', overcoming the 'fear of pleasure'

Such an approach to life is, in essence, chaotic. All endeavors are aimed at the avoidance of pain, and more importantly, at achieving gratification and pleasure. Any other objective would require discipline, hard work, postponement of gratification, willingness to suffer and experience pain, the ability to work in harmony and cooperation with others and to be of service to one's fellow man. Such qualities are needed for the creation of a healthy relationship but are almost nonexistent in the life of an indulgent person.

In addition to the promotion of pleasure-orientation and a chaotic lifestyle, the indulgent mode of human communication creates anarchy and disorder both in the individual and in society. The only source of authority and power that the indulgent person acknowledges is gratification. He seeks freedom similar to that which animals possess: the freedom to gratify biological and instinctual needs and desires, without according due consideration to the other realities of complex human relationships. These individuals rationalize all of their self-centered activities in the name of individual freedom, the freedom to do whatever one pleases as long as it does not interfere with the rights of others. In reality, however, at one level, all people are interrelated. There is a universal ecology of life, which, at the level of human relationships, creates a universal interdependence similar to the organs and parts of a body. Thus, for example, the health or illness of one individual ultimately affects others as well. Consequently the actions of the indulgent individual do interfere with the rights and lives of others. The indulgent individual ignores this fact and, subsequently, introduces anarchy into interpersonal relationships.

Finally, the intellectual and emotional characteristics of an indulgent individual have serious consequences for both the individual and society at large. The continuous pursuit of pleasure often results in a lifestyle characterized by the quest for instant gratification, which, in turn, requires a willingness to sacrifice fundamental principles of quality, integrity, and beauty. In the indulgent lifestyle, emotions are an end in themselves. The individual seeks joy and happiness but refuses to submit to the self-discipline and control required for creativity and growth, prerequisites for true joy and happiness. The indulgent person avoids the pain and discomfort of growth and thus hampers the progress of this maturity and development. "